2008 Season

The match reports, batting averages, bowling averages and fantasy league scores from the 2008 season are available below:

Dorchester Cricket Team, August 2008

Back (l - r): D Spencer, D Blake, J Smith, R Brown, I Cross, J Lees, A Gaunt
Front (l - r): B Taylor, A Cooper (wk), J Flight, P Taylor (c), S Bennett, K Brown, T Beresford (scorer)

Averages - Batting

Name Games Innings Not Outs Highest Score Runs Average 4s 6s Big Hit Ct St
M Wyatt 1 1 0 53 53 53.00 9 67.92% 1
J Lees 7 8 2 73 254 42.33 20 12 59.84% 3
I Cross 8 9 1 104 308 38.50 32 13 66.88% 2
J Flight 7 8 0 102 294 36.75 29 5 49.66% 4
D Blake 8 9 1 84 259 32.38 33 2 55.60% 2
S Bennett 8 3 2


29 29.00 2 27.59% 1
P Taylor 10 10 2 51 173 21.63 16 36.99% 6
J Smith 7 6 4 14 40 20.00 1 10.00% 2
R Barlow 2 2 0 36 38 19.00 7 73.68%
A Cooper 6 7 1


106 17.67 11 1 47.17% 2 6
D Spencer 8 4 0 14 40 10.00 2 20.00% 2
M Snelgrove 3 3 0 15 21 7.00 0.00% 1
D Brenan 3 2 1 6 7 7.00 0.00%
R Hicklin 1 1 0 6 6 6.00 0.00%
K Brown 7 3 1 7 12 6.00 0.00% 4
A Gaunt 5 4 1 10 17 5.67 3 70.59% 1
R Brown 10 6 1 10 18 3.60 1 22.22% 3
B Taylor 3 2 0 3 4 2.00 0.00%
J Finney 1 1 1 3* 3 0.00 0.00%
M Stewardson 6 1 1 0* 0 0.00 0.00%

Averages - Bowling

Name Overs Maidens Runs Wickets Average Best Econ
A Gaunt 23.2 4 91 7 13.00 2 for 13 3.90
J Smith 41 6 120 7 17.14 2 for 14 3.70
M Stewardson 33 7 122 7 17.43 2 for 10 3.70
D Spencer 42 2 227 13 17.46 3 for 21 5.40
S Bennett 59 5 240 11 21.82 2 for 16 4.07
P Taylor 10 0 66 3 22.00 1 for 14 6.60
D. Brenan 10 0 50 2 25.00 2 for 25 5.00
D Blake 27 5 105 4 26.25 2 for 11 3.89
J Flight 11 1 60 2 30.00 1 for 2 5.45
R Brown 50.5 2 248 8 31.00 3 for20 4.91
J Lees 5 0 35 1 35.00 1 for 4 0.69
K Brown 16 0 82 1 82.00 1 for 11 5.13

Fantasy League



Colin  - Twaddlers






Terry - All Change


Alex - Fantasy Islanders


Dean - Four Blokes and a Kiwi






Dave - BenEllie


Beryl - Legs Eleven


Karen and Paul - KP Nuts


Brad - The Blonde Bombshells


Jamie - Paula's Babes






Alec - The Expletives




Max - Smarter than the 10 year old


Benno - The Spare Tyres




Brenda - B and Bs


Ady - Cooper's Clowns


Jon - Long Eaton Long Hops


Mick - The Vicar's Flock


Rich - Retrospective Rich



Club Records

WicketPlayers OppositionPartnership
1stJ Flight/M Wyattv Risley104
2ndJ Flight/I Crossv Risley152
3rdP Taylor/A Cooperv Shepshed Messengers125
4thD Blake/P Taylorv Loughborough Carillon71
5thJ Flight/J Leesv Shepshed Town46
6thD Spencer/R Brownv LCOB12
7thD Spencer/K Brownv LCOB10
8thR Brown/J Smithv Shepshed Town14
9thK Brown/A Gauntv Broomleys16
10thS Bennett/J Finneyv LCOB29*

Also 3rd v Repton 100 I Cross/R Barlow

Fixtures & Results

Date Opposition Result Match Report
2008/04/20 LONG WHATTON Rained off  
2008/04/27 SHEPSHED TOWN Abandoned - rain match report
2008/05/11 LOUGHBOROUGH CARILLON Won by five wickets match report
2008/05/18 REPTON COLLEGE Won by 19 runs match report
2008/06/08 SHEPSHED MESSENGERS Won by 83 runs match report
2008/06/15 LONG WHATTON Won by 24 runs match report
2008/06/22 RISLEY Won by 199-runs match report
2008/06/29 EASTWOOD TOWN Lost by 9-wickets match report
2008/07/06 KEGWORTH TOWN Rained off  
2008/07/20 ROLLESTON Cancelled  
2008/07/27 DCC Golf Day Resounding success  
2008/08/03 BROOMLEYS Lost by 56 runs match report
2008/08/10 HILTON Lost by 5-wickets match report
2008/08/17 LOUGHBOROUGH CARILLON OLD BOYS Won by 4-runs match report
2008/08/24 BROOMLEYS Lost by 10-runs match report
2008/09/07 CLARENDON VICS Cancelled - rain  
2008/09/14 EASTWOOD TOWN Cancelled - rain  

SHEPSHED TOWN - 2008/04/27

Paul quietly reflects.....


A week on from the first match of the season and I'm still clutching at straws regarding the content of this match report .....where's the humourous pub stories, the bowling debacles or the catching calamities.


Erm....well the trip to Shepshed Town was a bit short of action and opportunities to deliver any journalistic prowess were somewhat limited.


The weather forecast had said RAIN on Sunday since about Wednesday - they were very confident. But the signs were reasonable. It was 16 degrees at start of play, as opposed to the 9 degrees the week before (glad that was called off1)


The game was  a 12 a side encounter, as both sides boasted well blessed  squad availability.  Things started off pretty much to plan with me finding the ground, being on time and then agreeing with their skip on the way to the wicket that us having a bat was the right option. Benno was also on time and pleased to hear he wouldn't have to do anything for a few hours. The ground sloped left to right at abou 15 degrees. We were brimming with batters and so after much soul searching I put myself down at number s s s s se se se sev sev sev seven. A bit like the Fonz trying to say sorry, for any of you Happy Days fans.


Great authority and a  solid  straight bat response from Dean and Jeremy and they moved nicely to 30 in the first 10 overs. No worries on a flat slow wicket.  

I say they....well I mean Extras and Dean, who scored 18. After 10 overs Jeremy, sporting a new back lift, a bit reminiscent of RT Robinson, was on 3. Our run machine of 2006 was well, er ...getting his eye in.


Cross 9, Cooper 4 and Barlow 2 all had a taste of the new season that was a little shorter than they had hoped., before James Lees arrived at the crease at 65-4 in the 21st. Not only did he spark the game with a rapid 27, he brought Jez into action, who in three balls plundered  6,4,4 to more than  double his score - in the 23rd over, from 10 to 24. So a partnership of 46 took the score to 111, when Jamie perished. Closely followed by Jeremy for for a workmanlike 32 also on 111 and in I went.

After a long winter of netting......... well, erm.... one 5 minute burst at Trent Bridge a few weeks before, I felt in good touch. 3 balls down the leg side, then there it was .....a straight half volley pleading to be hit back over the bowlers head. Well with my new lower middle order status, who was I to do anything other than give it a biff. It was unfortunate that the tame lolly pop of a drive that followed managed to find mid on rather than sail away to the ropes as was planned. A pitiful exit.

First duck for 9 years.


Brown Dog junior showed faith batting above Smudge with a quick fire ten, including 2 fours and Andy fended a short one off for a single.

 Meanwhile George Clooney was seen in the distance trying to negotiate the Perfect Storm which was on its way. Light rain, then a bit heavier....nice link to Benno, striding out with purpose determined to face a few balls rather than run back due to the now very heavy down pour. He confirmed to their captain that we would just bat 35 overs - so there was one over to come. And now its chucking it down. Still we bagged six runs, five of which came from the ever reliable Smudge and then everyone bolted to the pavilion.


Tea was a basic sandwich offering, which will not challenge for the Golden Tea Spoon Award this year I think it is fair to say.


Outside things were grim.....torrential rain does it an injustice.


Tea time entertainment came in the form of the ceiling emitting water through the spot lights and a quick manoeuvre by Jez salvaging his sandwiches and the requirement to dry his kit.


I agreed the formalities with their skip as easily as getting us in to bat first and that was that


Thirteen lots of annual subs were collected and a half match subs from Mick Stewardson who actually didn't bat and therefore didn't actually do anything - not the best value for him but 'thems the breaks.'   


So not exactly a flying start, but we're off on what I hope is a dry 2008..............we'll see!


Smudger scribes:


It seems ages since cricket on a Sunday was greeted by scorching hot weather. It might have happened last season but if it did, I can't remember it. But Sunday's trip to Loughborough Carillon (or scrap yard Loughborough as it is often referred to in order to distinguish it from car crash Loughborough, or Carillon Old Boys as I believe they are officially known as) was a wonderful summer's day with temperatures in the high 20s on arrival at the ground.


Of course, days like this are the sort of days where we all hope that Paul can either win the toss or talk some less experienced captain into letting us bat first. But alas, Paul was incapable of either of these and we were faced with 40 overs in the field. Crossy decided that temperatures outside were sufficiently warm enough to forego the dodgy looking undergarment he has taken to wearing and so off we went, sun cream aplenty slapped onto numerous exposed parts.


Paul would probably have wished to have opened up with some sort of left arm seam dream team but had to do with Rich and myself instead. However, I would like to think that we didn't let Paul down. Wickets were not forthcoming but seven overs each cost just 24 runs between us. I have to say that I believe my figures could have been even better had it not been for all the fantasy cricket chat that I had to deal with and which a more suspicious mind would have taken as a clear attempt to put me off my game.


Anyway, back to the game, Mick entered the fray and eventually took the first wicket; one of their openers falling for six in the 18th over, enough said. Dean was unlucky not to take a wicket in his six overs but we kept things nice and tight and Loughborough were going along at barely three runs per over.


However, clearly their best bat was now in and he had got away with a couple of chances which are usually the signal for a big score. However, Benno tempted him down the pitch and he was promptly stumped by Ady for 29.


The loss of this wicket seemed to put the brakes on Loughborough's innings and they progressed at a rather pedestrian rate to an eventual total of 134 for four off 40 overs. Their other opener remained unbeaten on 72 while there was another wicket for Benno (and another stumping for Ady) plus a wicket for Jez. Paul used eight bowlers in total, including some quality pies from his good self.


Tea was taken and jolly nice it was too.


Jez and Crossy opened the batting for us but unfortunately a somewhat out of form Ian was soon on his way back for just two, caught at point in the fourth over. This brought Dean to the crease and he and Jez progressed nicely until Jez was run out for 27 with the score on 37 in the 11th over.


Brad was next in and he got off the mark from the first delivery faced but unfortunately was out attempting to hook a ball in the next over which he only managed to lob up to first slip.


So a father and son combination was not to be as Paul came in next and he and Dean stayed together for the next 22 overs, putting together a partnership of 71 runs, despite some quality looking bowling from their Murali impersonator. While Dean was the main run scorer in the partnership, Paul batted with a determination which seemed to suggest that he was going to see this through to the end following his disappointing duck the previous week.  The pair of them nearly saw us over the finishing line but Dean was out for 64 just 11 runs short of our target.


Ady, who had all but nodded off with his pads on, went in but was soon on his way back courtesy of an LBW decision which took Ian an absolute age to give. Steve Bucknor/Morgan Freeman would have been proud.


This left me to miss a few and then get onto a nice half volley outside off stump which went through the covers for the winning runs. Top marks to Paul for a patient and much needed 24 not out.


Beers were taken in the bar afterwards while a few retrospective fantasy teams were submitted and a whole load of £3s were collected and passed onto a grateful Norman.


Let's hope this is the start of a long hot summer.

REPTON COLLEGE - 2008/05/18

Paul eventually writes-


Many peoples favourite fixture kicked off with a 'Tails'.....so we donned our pads and looked to set a challenging total on a very nice strip indeed.

Due to Jeremy's holiday I went in with Dean and their openers weren't too shabby at all with a new ball (one of Slazenger Specials that actually turns into a 1970s compo within about 5 overs). However there were no chances on the way to a stand of 76, in 16 overs, with me contributing a predictably secondary score of 17.

At the other end Dean had worked on the basis that planting his left foot down the wicket and if it was up it was off and if was short it going round the corner or over gulley. On such a true track it was a sensible strategy, which paid dividends.

Crossy joined Dean and they put on 44 in eight overs before the latter was bowled for a tremendous 84, in the 24th.

There then followed a partnership of 100 in 13 overs, between Ian, who was hitting his way back into form and Richard Barlow who carved and bashed a very entertaining 36, including 7 fours. Mark Snelgrove failed to trouble the scorer and Richard joined Ian to see his final flourish take him to 84 no and the team to a more than satisfactory 247-4 in the forty.

I went out to umpire for the last 5 overs and there were two pieces of significant entertainment in one over. Their skipper got the overs wrong so he decided to bowl the 39th himself. His first off spinner on leg stump was smashed out of the ground and into the trees by Ian with consummate disdain. So some wag fielder pipes up 'You're supposed to have a look at it first'....with reference to taking a couple of deliveries to assess the flight and spin etc.

Classic response straight away from Crossy 'I had a look at him last year'  !!!

Next ball Crossy smashed it back at the bowlers right hand, clipping it on the way to the top of stumps and actually breaking the bail it was travelling that fast. It didn't escape my mind that about one inch higher and it would have been whistling my way at lets just say an 'inconvenient' height. I've never seen a bail break like that before, but more importantly Brown Dog had his bat grounded and that's a Not Out..


Alec, Barb and Bex showed their faces half way through the innings, which was nice, and Alec once again talked of boots being hung up for good as walked around the boundary......we'll see........Mr Secretary - a petition is surely required.


Tea was a sit down affair in the old pavilion with pictures of players from years gone by. Pork pie with English mustard stole the show and the typically English egg sandwiches.....nice place to play cricket and to have tea. Not a Golden Tea Spoon contender, just very nice.


Ok so this should be straight forward defending 247.....shouldn't it?


Well at 18 for 2 off ten overs - yes


At 193-2 in the 33rd, well erm maybe not!


So that's 175 runs in 23 overs...............................


Yes, well things didn't quite go too well, with bowlers coming and going empty handed. Even the wily skills of Benno were smashed out of the ground, not often he returns 8-0-66-0.


It was the 34th over we managed a break through and it was one of those occasions that you look around the field for someone to have a bowl and support Dean who was manfully giving it all he could at one end (and latterly collecting 8-1-37-1). Everyone was looking away, tieing their shoe lace, checking their finger nails kind of stuff......so on I came, wishing I wasn't. Their now centurion picking his bat up as of it was a barn door facing a beach ball......gulp.


Ok, well not too bad to start, until one got kind of caught in my fingers and on the way down for its third bounce it was smited for a four, without any problem at all.

Just flat off spin to start, but what the hell, here comes one of those dive bombing leggies, that well, goes high..........when it left the bat it was for all the world a six, however I had the cheek to shout 'catch it!' High and handsome.

But as time went by and the ball was still in the air, I realised my shout  may well have some substance after all, for in the gloom, on the mid wicket boundary, under a tree, a good long way off stood Kevin........it was Brown Dog time.

Now anyone that had played the week before and had seen Kevin drop a chance that well frankly a blind grandma could have caught in her pinny, would probably not have put too much cash on Kevin catching the rapidly descending red projectile. Least of all Dean who was the unlucky bowler. But with a grasp, a clutch, followed by a resultant collapse, undoubtedly due to the velocity of the ball and the angle of Kevins body, there he lay for just a second, now facing the boundary....had he?...no....yes...hang on ....he's only bloody well caught it!


And there it was - the first 'Match Champagne Moment' had arrived and to catch a plundering centurion on the way to knocking off our 240 odd after a 3rd  wicket stand of 186 - yes 186, with a stupendous boundary catch was quite a moment.


Brown Dog senior ...take a bow son!.


The game however wasn't over. I backed off with 2-0-14-1 having looked around to see a few faces a little more interested in turning their arm over. Their captain, Mr Debenham - nice guy who had belted a ton against us 3 years ago was walking out.

Now don't let anyone tell you that on these occasions I put myself at Long On or deep mid wicket to bag late catches. That would be a scandal. But just  by chance I found myself at Long On with Spinno now plying his trade. It was a long boundary as well. In fact so long that when the aforementioned Mr Debenham absolutely belted one towards me it was a bit like a doodlebug with time to watch its ascent and silent descent over a fair few seconds to my awaiting Aussie style left fingers up catch over my head. Yes ok, it bounced out but at the second attempt it was bagged and I ran happily back to spinno who had opened his account for the year. We did the same next over, but I got a roll out of that one and so a return of 3-0-19-2 for the prodigal King of Quiz.


They finished on 228 runs, just 19 behind us......phew!


We retired to the Bulls Head (a Punch Tavern) and sat under a very large umbrella with various refreshments and reflected on another great day at Repton.


Spinno writes.....

On a beautiful June afternoon what can be more pleasurable than an afternoons' cricket on a pleasantly compact ground in the Leicestershire countryside...well I'm sure you've got your opinions on that but this is a cricket report.

Negotiations ensured that Dorchester were to bat first on a wicket that had been used the previous day with just a few pitch marks on it.

Dean and Jez were the men entrusted with getting us off to a decent start which they did in spite of some wayward bowling from probably the youngest openers that I can remember in a long time, their combined ages were probably less than Smudge's waist measurement. Dean was particularly hard on anything in his arc and Jez was not afraid to hit the bad ball either. The first 12 overs yielded 64 runs before Jez was bowled for 18 by the Aussie. In the next over Dean perished looping a thick edge up to be taken by the keeper a third of the way down the track for 33.69-2 in the thirteenth with Ady and Skip ready to steady the ship. In what is best described as circumspect batting they put on 125 for the third wicket without too much slapping of the ball to all parts. Paul with his new-ish bat kept hitting the ball hard and Ady was just himself feasting occasionally on the bad balls. Paul was out in the 35th over with the score at 194 for a well deserved 51 which didn't get the well deserved applause it should have done. Enter the Kiwi who had been observing what is best described as a mixed bag of bowling and was chomping at the bit like a Derby winning horse making his way round Tattenham Corner. He didn't disappoint; in what can best be described as an exhibition of an innings he scored 47 not out in an unbroken partnership of 49 with Ady whilst Ady finished not out for the second time this weekend with a score of 60, meaning that Dorchester finished their allotted overs on 243-3 including 23 off the final over.

The tea interval saw controversy when one of the young shavers from Shepshed tried to help himself to large amounts of cake, he was swiftly rebuked by the tea lady and Skip and handed his plate over for decommissioning.

Turning now to the Shepshed innings, opening the attack down the hill was Brown Dog Minor. It has to be said that his first over was treated with disdain by the Aussie gentleman and the ball disappeared to all parts for 15.  At the other end the Vicar tried to stem the flow but after 8 overs the score had reached 47. Perhaps the pessimistic view was that Shepshed were indeed a batting side, however when danger threatens Benno answers the call and within a couple of overs the Maestro had worked his magic and the first wicket was taken by a smart stumping by Ady, a couple of overs later the Vicar struck by bowling the number 3 and Shepshed were 74-2 in 14 overs. Smudge replaced the Vicar at the bottom end and bowled tidily in tandem with Steve and Steve was replaced by Andy.  Smudge then had the number 4 caught by Brown Dog Minor at 108 and in the next over Andy bowled the Aussie for 64 with the score at 109. He followed this up in his next over by bowling the number 5 with the score on 114.

I replaced Smudge at the bottom end and managed to bowl a couple before the £1 show came into play. Jez got a wicket with his first ball with a good shout for LBW, Kiwi did likewise with Jez taking a good catch at cover. Three lusty blows from the number 11 stuffed my figures before Ady stumped him off my less slower ball and at 160 in 38 overs it was game over.

Full credit should be given to Shepshed for giving the youngsters a decent bowl in the game.
After the match no water for the showers but a couple of Strongbows shared out to refresh the parts.


DCC 243-3 Cooper 60* Taylor 51 Lees 47* Blake 33
Shepshed Messengers 160 all out H Wilson 64 Spencer 3-21 Gaunt 2-13

PS I was asked not to mention the unerring accuracy with which Paul found the fielders, go overboard on my tremendous spell of guile and flight and also Brown Dog Minor and his attempt to use the four gulley trap so I won't mention them at all.

LONG WHATTON - 2008/06/15

Match report courtesy of Rob.


Over the years, there can't be that many grounds that DCC haven't played on at least once, but we found a new one this week, with the trip to Long Whatton, Leicestershire, a traditional "long" village between East Midlands Airport and Hathern, basically. A picturesque scene of village life that would have travel brochure writers reaching for their cameras, filing under "England, idyllic", to attract gullible Americans to Leighton Buzzard or such like.


The pitch is about the low point of the smallish (20 paces from point to point on the boundary) ground, and the large furrows in the outfield nearest the pavilion were doubtless the product of the ground's prior ploughed field heritage. Jamie also said that it made chasing the ball along the floor quite weird, as you kept losing sight of it as it rolled up and down the contours. The presence of a field full of actual cows in the field next door was a pleasing sight for Lord Udder as he surveyed his fiefdom. 


Toss won, and on a dry but breezy day, we had a bat.


Opening up were Jez and Jamie, after Crossy had eyeballed Paul in the dressing room, and said, mano a mano "I'm not opening". 3 he was, then. Ian padded up in a pair of action man size neoprene diving shorts and a pair of youths briefs, hacked about with a pair of scissors. Stomachs turned in the under 13 team sized dressing room. A big man, in very tight shorts.

We needed the guns to fire today as the batting wasn't ever so deep, and we were treated to an excellent start where Jamie just tucked into the bowling like Henry VIII at a pie eating contest. We were 70-1 off 10, with a couple of shell shocked juniors wishing they were still playing on their Wiis. Jez had departed for a sound looking 10 but got no further.


Meanwhile, Jamie and Ian continued their assault, 70-1 became 119-1 after 20, with Ian hitting some brutal shots (and he only swapped his bat 3 times) including one that went from bowler's hand to Ian's bat to a date with destiny on the face of the "laser display screen" scoreboard without hitting terra firma. I wandered over and reported that the mark "would T-cut out". I lied.


Myself, Paul and Bradley, whilst watching this physical assault, talked of aural assaults, as Paul and Brad had been at Download the day before to see Kiss and Motorhead. We never really finished the debate as to where Judas Priest belonged in all this, but agreed that "Hell Bent for Leather" may have been one of Rob Halford's easier songs to write. Smudge has only recently got back his hearing from seeing the mighty Motorhead 3 years ago.


However, when Jamie and Ian departed in fairly quick succession, the tail didn't really wag as much as barely wake up, roll over and go back to sleep. Paul hung around and plugged away for a very useful 17 in the circumstances. I only middled 2, an on drive straight to a fielder and an ugly slog sweep caught on the 18th attempt by a youth who'd just dropped his Wii. (My sister, brother in law and niece turned up as I was padded up. Apparently my sister told my niece, when she asked where I would be, to look for a fat bloke with not much hair, dressed in white. Paul remarked that that probably wasn't the best way to distinguish playing members of DCC these days.) Snellers didn't quite get going, Brown Dog Minor was a tad late on a straight one, shall we say, and Andy Gaunt was raised from his by now customary slumbers (caused by his heroic night shift, which appeared to consist mainly of sitting in a van and being flashed at by young women (form an orderly queue for next Saturday's overtime, please)) to make the equally customary 0 not out, and we scraped to 200-8 (Cross 50, Lees 73) at the end, courtesy of a final over near wicket-maiden, when the Vicar got in with 4 balls to go, tried to hit every one out of the ground, and produced 4 dots. (A sentence with ten commas, nice work Rob).


A super start cut short cruelly exposed our later batting (the other 8 batsmen used (not Ian/Jamie) scored 57 between them, although some contributions to this were more telling than others, it must be said), and the last 20 overs garnered us 81 runs in all. So, Ian and Jamie's fault we didn't get to 250, then.


Tea was a well stocked affair, with particular plaudits for the flapjack. Laid in my stomach like a stone though. 7 players' children played together on Bay 13, thought to be a club record. Doubtless some statto will oblige with confirmation.


Long Whatton's innings stuttered after over 1, at 1-1, including a golden to Holden (I'm not making that up, honest) and the second wicket soon came, the other opener trying to slog a ball that was a £3 taxi ride outside off stick over (literally) cow corner and playing on, for the second time that weekend apparently. As Jez said, he must have had a "hedge magnet" in his bat. Playing an orthodox cover drive could be his salvation, I think.


This, however, brought the skipper to the crease. It soon became apparent that we needed him out, it says here, in a "Houston, we have a problem" understatement kind of way. He was brutal on anything loose, and occasionally on good line/length stuff too. Balls disappeared. Fielders cursed. Bowlers despaired. But we have a weapon to counter that kind of thing. Benno. Once again, Steve was summoned from some far flung fielding position to work his magic. And he didn't disappoint. The nagging line, length and subtle pace variations, "The Three Card Trick", eventually proved too much for skipper and he biffed one uglyly (is that a word? "in an ugly fashion" is better I'm sure) to square leg in the air. A chance! we all thought. Rats, it's just fell short of Jez, we all thought, while the ball was still in the air. But no, Mr Flight covered 15 yards in as many nanoseconds and plucked a pearler of a catch off the tips of the well shorn grass. Many, many Richie Benaud-isms were said in the immediate aftermath. It simply was a super catch. And a marvellous effort. Must be those new super green striped wonderpants of his.


With the danger man gone for 44, we picked up a couple of quick wickets, and Spinno bowled an impressive spell, the highlight of which was a fully "off the meat of the bat" slog sweep from Keable, which went about 2 inches over Benno's head at short midwicket. He looked for all the world like one of the moles on the fairground game where you hit them with a mallet, just ducking in time. However, as the ball flew towards cow, Paul homed in on the ball like a hawk on a hapless pigeon (not Wendy, obviously) and the catch was pouched. Never in doubt, I saw it all from the perfect position at slip.  Benno's after match description of the saga cannot be printed here, for obvious reasons.


33-1 off 8 became 91-3 off 19, became 129-8 off 28. However, the 9th wicket just wouldn't fall. It had its moments, as the Vicar, fielding round the corner, leapt in the air as the ball left the bat, and was actually nearly back on the ground again as the ball grazed the tip of his outstretched finger, taking most of it with it, judging by the bloody aftermath. Swan Lake it wasn't. Long Whatton crept closer and closer to the 200 until Lester senior was bowled by PC AG, brought back to finish them off. LWCC got to a "close but no banana" 176 all out, and we trooped off in the evening sun to watch the Kiwis get tonked on the telly.


Spinno now has 8 wickets in 3 games, and Benno said post game that he'd need an Eastwood 2007 like charge to win the bowling this year. Someone mentioned a white steed and a lance. Someone else mentioned the Light Brigade. Spinno has certainly got off the blocks well.


Scores on the doors on line here, courtesy of LWCC.


DCC vs Long Whatton CC  15 June 2008


RISLEY - 2008/06/22

Lord Udder recalls:

The Dorchester Dynamite stole into the peaceful ground of Risley CC keen to exact some measure of revenge for the humbling experience dished out by the locals two years ago.  According to the match report of the time, their openers contributed the majority of the 232-runs amassed that day, for the loss of only three wickets.  Our response was pitiful.  89 all out in 22 feeble overs.  It's still a painful memory today and Team Dorchester knew a fair amount of sock pulling up was needed to ensure a more favourable outcome this time around.

Paul won the toss and we stuck the pads on.  With Hurricane Udder ravaging anything not firmly tied down, Jez and Mark Wyatt (on "dayboo") took guard.  Immediate disappointment for our chaps as Risley opened up with an old boy bowling non-turning off breaks off a 1-yard run up.   Most unsporting.  Where's a chirpy young seamer when you need one?  Still, it did little to upset the run rate, which progressed handsomely to 75 without loss in the 15th.

By this point, not only was the old timer grumbling ever more vociferously at the Garden Party End, mostly in response to Dorchester's free and easy approach to anything off line, but the bugger had gone around the wicket!   Mark, in particular, punished him for such indecency and, when he departed for a well-made 53 in the 19th over, which included 9 fours, we had 104 on the board.  A century partnership for the 1st wicket: one could feel the bad memories of 2-years ago becoming more distant with every boundary.

Any relief Risley may have felt at claiming the first wicket was short lived as Crossy had arrived in the middle, big bat under one arm and in the mood for some under age fun. 

Allow me to explain.

Over time, it's natural for individuals to develop a particular reputation based on their penchant for a certain style of play.  On more than one previous occasion, Crossy's largely unsympathetic accommodation of anything flung down by an opposing youth has confirmed in the minds of his watching team mates that "cocky 15-year old with ball in hand" and "Crossy, big bat and tongue out" is a sure fire recipe for an afternoon's ball fetching. 

And so it was today.  He racked up 50 in quarter of an hour, or thereabouts, and continued happily on his way to a tremendous century, which comprised 11 fours and 7 sixes.  Bar one very, very easy chance to extra cover, which Risley's fielder practised dropping three or four times before finally dropping it properly, it was a terrific innings of pure, vintage Cross.  Young master Peacock, coming on as 4th change for Risley, did well not to crumble into a blubbing heap as his 3-overs went for 43.  Jez was responsible for the three; the other forty mostly disappeared over long off courtesy of the Cross willow.

Risley were unprepared for this onslaught in more than one way: it seemed that the club only owned 1 ball and each time it disappeared into the deep rough around the boundary, a fielder was dispatched to the changing room to ferret around in someone's bag for a stray net ball.  Bizarrely enough, in about the 34th over, the aforementioned master Peacock got use of a brand new cherry, which had been unearthed from somewhere.  Reluctantly, he had to give it up 1 ball later as a boundary fielder retrieved a previous missile from the hedge and lobbed it back to the umpire.  There was a certain sense of adding insult to injury.

Crossy was out for 104 and the second wicket partnership of 152 had taken the score to 256 in the 36th over.

Amid all the carnage, Jez was assembling a more workmanlike innings, happy to be in the runs once more and to have a box office seat for the entertainment at the striker's end.  Dean arrived upon Crossy's departure, informed him that he needed about 20 for a ton and, resisting all his natural instincts, did what he could to relinquish the strike.

The first 80-runs of Jez's innings had been pleasant enough to watch: a range of pull shots for 4 behind square and a number of easy 2's off the back foot through the offside.   The last 20-runs were a little less cultured - desperate, one could say - but with some assistance from the Risley fielding and a decent biff over mid-off for 4, he got to 94 at the end of the 39th over. 

Blakey obliged with a nudge for 1 off the first ball of the last over and a brace of 2's took Jez to 98, with three balls left.  Their bowler ran up and hurled down another half-tracker, Jez swung a big top edge out towards deep midwicket and yelled at Dean to get a bloody shift on.  They completed the first run as the boundary fielder ran against the might of Hurricane Udder to get in position for a catch.  He successfully got in position; he unsuccessfully took the catch and, in fact, did little more than help the ball to the boundary, which took Jez to 102.

Two balls later, he got a faint edge to the keeper, which the umpire and bowler couldn't hear because of the wind and the keeper was too disillusioned with the afternoon's proceedings to bother with a proper appeal.  Upon enquiry, Jez confirmed that he'd hit it and so Dorchester's innings finished at 303 for 3 off forty overs, including two centuries, one fifty and an aptly breezy twenty-odd not out from Dean.  I trust one of the club's Stattos will confirm the last time DCC had two tons in the same match.

After an excellent tea taken in the shelter of the pavilion's Long Room, DCC braved the conditions and took to the field.  The full force of the gale now became apparent.  In the main, our batters carry ample ballast around the middle and weren't overly troubled by the strong winds. Crossy, being more light weight, had needed to pull out of his batting stance more than once in the buffeting winds.

Spare a thought then for Brown Dog Junior, opening the bowling with the Vicar. The poor lad has the physique of a racing snake and was now asked to run up the hill into the teeth of the gale. It's a miracle he ever arrived at the crease.  Had Smudger been playing, we could have tied the boundary rope around him and flown him like a kite.

Both Brown Dog the Younger and the Vicar bowled well.  The Vicar, in particular, quickly settled on a length more nagging than a menopausal mother-in-law and figures of 6 overs, 2 maidens, 2 for 10 say it all.

Brown Dog II also bowled well and bagged a couple, both bowled.  Add to this Dean's run out, who'd swooped and pinged in a swift return above the stumps and Risley were well and truly in the mire at 31 for 5.

The run out bears mention because although Brad took Dean's throw cleanly and did everything necessary to break the wicket, the bails remained firmly atop the stumps, which were now listing badly at a 20° angle.  After a modicum of panic on Brad's part, we saw that the bails were actually blu-tac'd to the stumps: a sensible precaution in the high winds.

The stage was now set for us to be bowled to victory by our spin twins, in the shape of Danny Brennan, a talented, fresh-faced leg spinner and Spinno, a seasoned, cynical old crock.

Danny showed genuine promise and tremendous variety: the "leggie", "googly", "slider", "wrongun", "bosie", "beaky", "mick" and "titch" were demonstrated capably, all within 5-overs, which were rewarded with 2-wickets (both caught I Cross, as if he needs the fantasy points).

Spinno picked up 1 for 25 in his seven, the skipper nipped on for a couple of overs at the end and pouched a tidy caught 'n' bowled and Risley had been blown away, in more than one sense, for a meagre 104.

Victory by 199-runs was more than adequate revenge for our debacle in 2006 and we look forward to next week's fixture at Eastwood with high expectations.


DCC 303-3 in 40-overs
I Cross 104, J Flight 102, M Wyatt 53

Risley CC 104 all out in 26 overs
M Stewardson 2 - 10, R Brown 2 - 17, D Brennan 2 - 25

EASTWOOD TOWN - 2008/06/29

Spinno writes:

Unfortunately due to the inclemency of the Eastwood microclimate the game was abandoned after only 9 overs during which time Dorchester amassed 44 runs for the loss of 1 wicket.

During the tea interval the captains agreed that a 20/20 match would therefore take place.The toss being lost by the Eastwood skipper Dorchester elected to bat.

What follows is a copy of some notes I found tucked inside my bag pocket. I'm not sure that I should have read them......

Management In Confidence

Report to Lord Udder re: Feasibilty of Dorchester CC Competing in the proposed World Series "winner-take all" 20/20 challenge

My Lord

At your request I present my report into the feasibility of entering DCC as your representative side in the world challenge. You will note that the report makes it clear all the risks involved and the likely cost to yourself of this venture. In view of the sensitive nature of this document I have entrusted its onward delivery to you by the same carriers who carry HM Government's sensitive data, safe in the knowledge that it will reach you without other eyes having seen its contents.

Rather than write a journalistic report on the "trial match" I have made a few notes in respect of each player and their strengths (if any) and weaknesses (if many) and their contribution to the game.

I start with Dean Blake. Your lordship is aware that he can be a fine striker of the ball, a versatile bowler and a more than competent fielder. His batting was up to his normal standards. He hit a few fours and a six and contributed 30 runs to the cause. However it has to said that his Saturday team-mates found his bowling rather to their liking..in fact one over of his cost 18 runs, but this was not helped by a missed catch on the boundary. He patrolled the boundary well when in the field though I do detect on some occasions he stays within his comfort zone when pursuing the ball.

Adrian Cooper known to his team mates as Ady is probably one of the finer wicket keeping batsmen at this level. He was somewhat unfortunate to get out in his supporting role with Dean but his wicketkeeping was very well executed including a brilliant stumping. He coped admirably with some of the more wayward deliveries. Keeping wicket for Dorchester requires a certain masochistic streak.

Ian Cross is another fine striker of the ball and again he contributed a fine 30 runs, however his attempts to coach the bowlers probably caused more problems than it solved, but it must be said his variety of deliveries in his one over bemused and confused both the batsmen and his team-mates.

Captain Paul Taylor as we know is a steady bat and helps to keep the score ticking along. His shot selection on the free hit was baffling but he nudged and nurdled with his usual grace . His field placings and bowling changes were competent and he was unlucky not to rewarded for his more daring spell of bowling.

Rob Hicklin is an all rounder in all senses of the phrase. His batting today was a useful contribution and his fielding and bowling were also a fine contribution to the team effort. I would say in his favour your Lordship that he would make a fine transport manager for the organisation.

Steve Bennett is another all rounder (or possibly two) unfortunately his battering of the ball didn't quite come off. His bowling however was again what the team required in this tight contest.

Richard Brown apparently has pretensions of being an all rounder but I fear Sir that he is far too thin; almost in the John Smith category. Again he tried manfully to despatch the ball to all parts however the percentage of misses was too high. In the field there is no one more enthusiastic than he and when bowling he does occasionally err on his length but he does have youth on his side.

David Spencer is another with pretensions of being an all rounder. There are problems he must overcome. One is he must have his eyes tested and also his kneecaps removed or replaced. His fielding was nothing less than abysmal but his one saving grace this season is that he has the uncanny knack of taking wickets. He did so in this match although it was the only one to fall in the Eastwood innings. He must also learn which is off and which is leg side..

Andy Gaunt could do no more than he did in this match. A few pleasant shots followed by some tidy bowling did his prospects no harm I feel. Added to which he has a cute puppy dog.

Bradley Taylor the youngest member of the team again battled well. His bowling spell included the only maiden of the match. He realises that he needs to grow a little more to help with his fielding. I feel he is definitely one for the future.

The Very Reverend Mick Stewardson is struggling at the moment. Not with any deep theological problem but with his tweaked hamstring. His diving shorts make interesting attire though I feel that they are a slightly larger size than those used by Ian Cross.

To summarise your Lordship I feel that there would have to a huge improvement in some quarters if this team were to be England's entry into the championship but it must be remembered that it is a squad game and with the likes of Flight, Lees and Smith amongst others to add to the squad there's every chance that.

And that's where the note ended. Personally I don't take it personally... all I know is that the game was a good advert for local club cricket, played in the right spirit and not without it's humourous moments. The tea was good too. The music was pumpin' - from Rockin' all over the world to You Spin me round like a record. Even the DCC balcony chorus of Another one bites the dust had its merits.....and nostalgic chat about sweets and comics... what more could you ask for

DCC 144-9 Eastwood 144-1 after 19 overs...well that's what it says on my bit of scorebook obviously homage to the Duckworth/Lewis method

BROOMLEYS - 2008/08/03

A tragedy in two parts

As the gloom gathers on Coalville Heath and Terence of Bestwood decided 2B or not 2B,now is the August of our discontent made glorious when invited to field first. My noble Lord Taylor of Nuthall hath lost the toss and we are to hurl down the arrows of misfortune first.

The young squire Brown and Sheriff Gaunt were to open the bowling, the latter uphill. In the fourth over the wily Sheriff produced a juicy full toss which was despatched to the Colonial Prince James of Lees who taketh the ball well 10-1. Alas and alack some wearisome legside spearing from the young Squire resulted in a multitude of runs being scored, resulting in the introduction of Blake of Sherwood. His immediate impact was to slow the run rate to that of a turgid snail.

At the other end the Sheriff was replaced by the Redoubtable Smith. In his third over the mighty Smith doth fool the young man who tried to smite the ball over the head of the Sheriff who doth fool his team mates with a mighty one handed catch 64-2 (16). Merely four overs later yon Friar Bennett strikes down the callow youth who doth dance in the style of a Moorish Man down the track and the Prince of Lees taketh another catch 77-3(20).

Mead was not available for ye half time refreshments however the juices of the citrus fruits did slake our thirst well for in the next over of the Smith, Cooper of the Timbers behind the sticks did catch one 79-4(21)and then in ye Friars next over the Prince did take his third catch to have the youths of Broomleys 81-5(22).

At yon other end year King Lear Spinno doth take the ball. His first effort was good however his slings and arrows were indeed of the poorest quality as if some physick had been added to his refreshment and his bowling was the quality of one Londons finest open sewers. The youths of Broomleys did verily smite the ball into the burial ground and the King appeared to be following the ball in that direction. Brave efforts from the Prince and Lord Brown of the Plains did restrict the tally at the end and Broomleys acquired 198 notches on the tally stick of Terence of Bestwood.

The interval Banquet was veritable in its quality though the swans were not available this year. Ye nobles of Dorchester would be put to the sword in trial by ordeal when they did take up their cudgels.

Blake of Sherwood and the Noble Lord Taylor did stride to the wicket in good heart for the Quest that awaited them. Calamity did strike ye 4th over when Blake(4) doth have his timbers scattered over Leicestershire with only 6 notches for the tally. Ye Ian of The Cross strolleth to the wicket with no doubt intentions in his mind to despatch these youths to the corners of the battlefield. After some near calamities the aforesaid knight doth indeed smite the ball but alas he did perish to ye mystical slower one which scattered his timbers. He hath tallied 19 and the team tally was 31 after 11 overs.

Cooper of the Timbers joined the Noble Lord and some steadying of the Galleon was predicted by the soothsayers in the crowd. After a mighty smite Ye curse of ye bad ball struck and the Cooper departed for 8 notches (43-3 off 16).

The valiant Prince of the magic hands James of Lees came to the joust. In a little passing of the sand through the hourglass My Lord and the Prince had moved the notches up to 93 in 22 overs. Alas the Prince tried one more mighty smite and was caught out for 24.

The Mighty Smith entered the field but the Noble Lord Taylor did perish shortly afterward for a valiant effort of 25 (97-5, 24).

The mad Lear Spinno entered the fray and wove magic by diverting the ball through the slip with soft touch only seen in a fair maidens hand. Calamity and calumny as Smith doth have his wickets smote for only 3 notches(104-6, 26). Squire Brown(0) came out and soon departed timbers scattered by the mystical dwarf. His father doth appear next and had some little trouble dancing out the way of the ball. Spinno (14) doth smite a mighty one through point but falleth to a demon which did nick his bat to slip (119-8, 31). The Sheriff Gaunt(10) doth whack the ball as he would a drunkards skull but is soon another man out of the fray (135-9, 34). Ye Friar Bennett enters the field with intention to cudgel the ball however he is undone for 5 notches having had to run them all and this leaveth Lord Brown of the Plains undefeated on 5 with a total tally of 142 for ye brave heroes of Dorchester.

Ye young men of Broomleys who had not 20 years for any of them had undone Dorchester and quite deservedly so.

Ye second tournament with the fellows of Broomleys taketh place in three weeks. No doubt there is much pulling up of ye hose to be done.

HILTON - 2008/08/10

Paul writes


Hilton is not the most attractive ground we play at, its not the best tea nor does it have the strongest team. But for some reason we always seem to have a good game of cricket.

This match was no different - competitive and with nearly 380 runs scored and 18 bowlers used out of 20 possibles.. It was a template friendly fixture with everyone getting a game.....how friendly?......well lets just see......


After Spenno's interesting 18th century barbed report from the prior week, I decided not to steer from the straight and narrow of just reporting how I saw it. Hurrah! I hear you say. 'Gadzooks!' says Spenno.


I'd decided to have a bowl....basically as we had a plethora of non - fast bowlers, indeed we lacked the penetration that a Hibbo could give us (there's a joke there somewhere) or a Blakey (who was sadly absent).


In the event HEADS, meant we didn't get the option and so Jeremy and I trudged out into a hearty wind which meant that after two overs the bails were removed and they stayed off for the whole of our innings.


After nurdling a paltry five I played over the top of a yorker.....the boys back at the pavilion called it more of a slow full toss. Misery. Someone said it was a slow full toss that should have gone for four. Double misery as he was right. Ah well.


It opened the door for the blade of Mr Cross (16) who along with Jeremy compiled a fifty (57) partnership before Ian fell to a sucker ball way short of a length that he picked up and pulled around the corner, sadly forgetting that their skipper, a more than competent fielder, was lurking in the deep in front of deep square and he never looked close to dropping it.


I had a grandstand view now as at the 12th over I umpired for the following 28 overs. That's me done for this year.


Adey hit his first ball for 4, before departing for 12 and then Jamie came to the crease to support Jeremy who was now past 50 and looking good, particularly through point off the back foot and with his trademark cover drive.

Unfortunately though the Flightmeister went the way off Mr Cross being caught by their skip in the deep, in the 33rd over for a super 80.


44 runs came in the last 7 overs with Mark Snelgrove's (15) industry and Jamie's normal dismissive brutality. We are now as accustomed to Jamie's power as we are to his artistic cultivation of splendid not out innings'. He opens this Sunday.


187-5 off 20, against all ten Hilton bowlers of various quality was a par score. The wicket was deceptive, the boundaries were very very deep but we could have tickled 200, but the locals said to Tel it was enough.


Tea was very pleasant with all manner of sandwiches and open rolls including salmon and very nice mature cheese as opposed to the very mild Makro stuff you often get. However fair to say it was a good tea, but not quite 'Golden Teaspoon' stuff. The Club rooms were good but not quite 'Golden Club rooms' and the showers.......er well.... they were ok.


We took our £11 ball out that we had christened at Broomleys and I opened up with a combo that was more Laurel and Hardy than Larwood and Voce.

Richard, who has struggled over a few games and Benno who I hoped would keep the lid on it early on and hopefully nip one out.  


At the ten over mark, I was pretty happy really with them not really threatening at 31-1. Benno had got the breakthrough in the eighth over with a Fantasy fortune in the form of a caught and bowled. I didn't hear him moan about the over pointed catch figure of 25 for the rest of the day....funny that.

Rich did well, forcing himself back into a rhythm and back to a good line - two left handers didn't necessarily help but he returned 7-0-22-0, so I was quite happy with that.

My problem was getting all our overs bowled and keeping them down below 187 (we were never really likely to bowl them out)...with no real ace up my sleeve. In fact I didn't even have a deuce up my sleeve, nor a sleeve. This was going to be tough. I could have done with a few overs from Jamie but after returning 2-0-12-0, I realised it wasn't going to be his day with the ball.


Even more worryingly our fielding was ropey, including my good self. If we were to win this we had to tighten up.

I needed 11 Jontys and I got 11 Montys.

Even the oh so reliable and efficient Adey, behind the timbers, was having a bad day at the office.


KB, formerly known as Brown Dog snr, came on and put in a very tidy spell to put some brakes on with a very tidy 5-0-20-0, they were now running to target and at 116-1 in the 27th we were struggling, with limited resource and no spark.

Enter Spenno who was bowling his normal 'stuff' and in common with all the other bowlers wasn't really getting it quite right. Basically their main batter, now on 50 odd set off for a tight single which Dave picked up to his left and whether it was due to a shrewd assessment of the situation or because like many of us, his arm aint what it used to be, he chose to shy at the stumps in a ten pin bowling type style with the ball travelling completely along the deck and making a direct hit, overtaking and then scuppering the advancing batsman. That's out.


So there we were with a lifeline. Danny came on and bowled tidily and was unlucky not to pick up their main batter when his cow corner club off one of Danny's lofted leggies got bigger and bigger on Jez, very deep at cow corner and it actually dropped over him before trickling for four. This was now the shape of the innings with the young gun batter playing one good shot then one 'chance' shot - we had to take the chance.

I bought Benno back on for his second spell (he had 3 left) and I had a dabble at the other end. Then things started happening!

I managed to get a stumping sending an off break down after 3 leggies - sounds good, but it did take a second bounce before Adey grabbed it and whipped the bails off. 152-3 in the 33rd and then in the next over.... Benno bowled one, so it was 160-4 with their best batter and captain coming in and the other guy in the eighties and there were 6 overs to go. 27 in 30 balls, with Benno's spell ending....they were favourites all right. Their Captain has bagged a lot of runs against us over the years. So in the very next over you could say we were more than a little chuffed when the opening batter ran him out! He called and started running from the non strikers end for a leg bye, but Adey quickly scooped the ball and threw it to me and I whipped the bails off and he was on his way......super stuff.

I'd decided that Jez and I would bowl out and the tension was rising. And when the tension rises, so does Benno's volume and his views on one of their earlier umpires and were coming out into the open. Their batter was sharing the odd view and it was now really warming up. Crossy got in the action (he was always going to have a word) and the banterometer was on RED. But no matter here it was - a clip off his toes off Jez  into the deep mid wicket and there was Crossy with a shoulder height....oh no...he's only decked it. At that point the batter shrieked a pathetic false laugh at his good fortune and Ian's lack of good catchmanship. All sorts of things could have happened next .......there were two cool heads on the pitch. Jeremy strolled down the wicket after the batter completed his second run and had a word ....I didn't ask him what he said but it was a good thing because he would put it better than say Benno or Crossy....much more structured, to the point and without the expletives that the other two would undoubtedly deliver.

Still the tension was there and the second cool head piped up 'come on lads settle down its just a game' this was KB with years of experience. I likened him in the Club Rooms after to Russell Crowe in Master and Commander steadying the ship, a calm head on the deck with cannonballs flying around and the noise of battle all around.

Anyway where were we?

Ah yes they needed 18 off 3 overs, 8 off two and 3 off the last one to be bowled by Jez. We'd dropped a couple more but blobbed lots of fielding and ultimately this cost us, because although the last over went dot, one, dot, dot, the penultimate ball went over mid on for four and we succumbed.

Look, we can't grumble with a last over, second to last ball game can we?


But thats two losses in two games now and we need to sharpen up before the allday game arrives.


Spinno writes...

Well as olde English didn't set too many pulses racing I'm reporting in the normal mode.

Amazingly enough after the heavy rain overnight and into Sunday morning the game was able to be played. I've never seen space hoppers used as wheels before...

Apparently Paul lost the toss and we were inserted probably on the "we've four who can bat and so on..."premise. A 36 over game to boot with a limit of 7 overs for the bowlers. Any bowlers out there think we should limit batsmen to only 10 overs....no well it's probably not a good idea....

Then there's the message..no Crossy ..suffering from Man Flu or something of that ilk( scarred by a bit of ribbing about a dropped catch according to Benno), ah well we've still got 11 coz the Leesmeister (club Child Welfare Officer who displays a mean usage of Anglo Saxon profanities!!) dragged Jordan along just in case. By the way congrats Jordan on your call up...

Dean and Jamie to open. Dean second ball, little nick, big shout, he's out. In comes Smudge to steady the ship. Having survived a plumb non appeal for LBW it's a big six from Jamie and then he's caught on the boundary going for another (15-2, 8 overs). Surely Skip and Smudge could hold their nerve and keep level heads. Alas no Skip perishes to a catch with the ball "not quite there yet" and deep doo doo at 21-3 in the 12th.

Young Dan strolls to the wicket and proceeds to help Smudge get things turned around. At just over half way in the innings Smudge perishes again the ball not quite there and it's 36-4 in 19. Spinno watches as Dan chips a couple into the outfield before perishing to another catch at 38-5 in 22.

Brown Pup comes in hits the second boundary of the day and follows Dan in the chipping/catching practice mode and 50-6 in 24 it's not looking good.

KB comes in and another 10 runs are nudged and nurdled before KB is bowled. 60-7 in 26, of course that was Spinno's fault... he made KB run a 3.

Three runs later Brad sees Spinno perish, bowled between his legs French Cricket style and in the 27th over it's decidedly dodgy at 63-8.

Benno is now the one carrying the weight of expectation, but Brad turns one round the corner and he's gone 66-9.

Enter Jordan. The next seven overs produced the best batting of the innings in terms of technique and aggression and also poise and grace from Benno. His pirouettes were flawless. Lots of big hits for only two boundaries with good support in the running from Jordan who finished 3 not out enabled Dorchester to finish on 95-9. Benno top scoring on 23 not out. Only three other scores in double figures and only 3 fours and 1 six in boundaries. Me thinks the pitch could be described as sporting.

After a tea which included Chicken legs and a catch up with the Olympic/Premiership action it was time to sort the men from the boys. Whose nerve would hold? Who would be smiling in 2 hours time?

First up Smudge opened from the car crash end, a good line and just a couple of runs. Next given the "new" ball was star bat Benno. First ball, first wicket clean bowling the opener who appeared to play right over the ball, 2-1 2nd over. Next over Smudge found the edge and Spinno defied rheumy eyes, dodgy knees and managed to pouch a catch at slip, 3-2 after 3. Game on now. The next eight overs produced only another 16 runs to leave LCOB 19-2 after 11.

First change was Spinno, couple of wides in his first then Deano roaring in from the top end. He got a full bunger on the number 4s toe and that was 24-3 after 13. Five overs later and Smudge returned the favour to Spinno by pouching one at short midwicket, 34-4 after 18. Three overs later and Dean removed the off stick of the number 6. 48-5 after 21.

Double bowling change of Brown Pup and Brennan and Brown Pup strikes the off stump of the number 7 in his first over. 53-6 after 23. Dan bowls a steady line, Rich serves a mixed bag that's not punished too harshly and Benno is reintroduced to stabilise things.

At the start of over 27 to be bowled by Rich, LCOB are 70-6, needing just 26 off 10 overs. Their opener obviously realises that he may have to chance his arm. First three balls of the over result in 10 runs including one that just clears KB near to the boundary. Fourth ball and it's up in the air ....and safely taken by Dean 80-7, still not the time to relax for either side.

New batsman comes out, misses his first ball and then his second which takes his off peg, 80-8. Benno's next over goes for 9 runs and suddenly it appears that Dorchester nerves are jangling. Next over a single off the first ball and then a couple of dots. Next ball it's played out to Dean who minces in with an effeminate but effective throw and Rich removes the bails.

The number 11 emerges having been sat in his shorts mere moments earlier. The tension rises as Rich steams in. It's defended to Rich who turns and runs the non striker out without him having faced a ball, "first ball". And that as they say was that.

Game over at 91 all out. Dorchester had won by 4 runs in possibly one of the most exciting games in its rich and varied history. Credit to the bowlers who kept their nerve and also to the fielding which was a vast improvement on the last couple of games.

"Ian Cross who needs him....." was the cry from the dressing room. A morale-raising victory in front of the all day game at Broomleys

Match Summary:

Dorchester: 95-9 off 36, S Bennett 23*, J Smith 13, J Lees 12, D Spencer 12

LCOB: 91 all out off 28.5, R Brown 3-20, D Blake 2-11, D Spencer 1-13, J Smith 1-14, S Bennett 1-15

BROOMLEYS - 2008/08/24

Jez recalls:

The Dorchester Dare Devils showed up at Broomleys CC at an absurdly early hour, still squinting at the early morning light and muttering about lack of preparatory sleep. "Test Match" day had arrived and we were due to play a 20-over, 40-over, 2-innings, all day, Christ I'm knackered, cricket extravaganza.

For the young Broomies, this was an opportunity for an easy workout to warm down from League cricket the day before.  For Dorchester, a chance to eat twice during a match.

Disappointment for all concerned then when the Broomleys' square was uncovered to reveal a small area of marsh land just on a good length.  As Crossy put it, it looked like someone had gone for a wild slash outside off stump.  Quite.  The scheduled 11 am start was thus put back to 12, following a pitch inspection at 11.40.

The pitch inspection happened on time; the scheduled start didn't.  The prevailing conditions were still a little "choppy" outside off stump.  We would wait for calmer waters, it was announced, and aim to start at 1.

The first comedy moment of the day presented itself, with several exclamations of "Did you pork the cords, Richie?" in typical Greig patter.  It appeared no-one had porked any cords so, in a completely unprecedented move and, no doubt, something we'll never see again, Dorchester warmed up with some fielding practice!

While we were busy dropping catches, the 20-over / 40-over parameters were continually being renegotiated.  First up, some berk suggested a single, 50-over match.  That was immediately pooh-poohed.  Then we opted for a 20-over / 25-over combo, which was a more satisfactory suggestion.  Finally, we settled on a 20-over / 20-over affair.  Surprising that no-one suggested a 22 / 22.

And so it was: following an early lunch of jacket spuds, sausages and beans, we started at 1 o'clock for a double-header of Twenty20, players to bat twice and overall scores to be combined.  Would the 2-hour delay work in Dorchester's favour and spare those piano wire hamstrings?  Would anything be left of Terry's pencil: he'd been sharpening it since 11 o'clock?

Dorchester bowled first, which worked well for us on two counts.  Firstly, we could see what the opposition had up its collective sleeve by way of batting tactics and secondly, we could make ample use of Benno, who was off to a wedding reception at 3.

Things started well.  They've got 25 on the board in the fifth over and Smudger snares their opener, caught at mid off by Brown Dog the Elder, who celebrates in tremendous fashion when he realises the number of fantasy points he's just earnt himself.  It could have been even better had Benno held on to a fairly regulation catch at gully an over or two previous.  He'd been a noticeable absentee in the earlier fielding practice.  Need I say more?

Opening from the Bowlers' Graveyard End was PC "Snapper" Gaunt of the Yard, keen to get some overs under his utility belt to ensure he's in the running for this season's bowling award.  Two overs up the hill proved enough though and he trudged off for a sit down.  Sensibly, Paul had realised that the sheer volume of cricket today was certain to render some of us crippled.  Therefore, we arrived purposely over quota on the players front but with a well-oiled rotation system in place, thus ensuring 11 on the field at any one moment and 2 overs of fraternising with the DCC groupees for the lucky so-and-so currently on downtime.

The remainder of the first innings proceeded much as it started: Broomleys never really got away from us and, in fact, only hit 8 fours in total and never scored more than 9 in an over.  Benno was excellent: 6-overs 1 for 29; and all other bowlers did well too.  The pack of Brown Dogs went for less than 5 an over, Brown Pup taking two wickets to boot.  Smudger and "Snapper" were economical too and Spenno bagged a couple of wickets, including their skip and best batter who was stumped by Ady.

Quarter of the way through and Broomleys have a modest 104 on the board.

Paul wisely shuffled our usual batting order and sent out Dean and Jamie first up, with strict instructions to go "eyeballs out" from ball 1. Not a great start then when Blakey plonks the fifth ball of the innings into cover's hands.  Suddenly, there's concern that we might be asked to follow on!  But Crossy makes a sublime start with a fantastic one-legged hook shot for 4 off their opening quickie, who's already revealed a liking for the middle of the pitch, and we're off and running.

We've got 44 on the board in the 6th over when Crossy goes and Jez joins Jamie for a few overs of happy slapping, the highlight being two consecutive sixes off their spinner, the first of which makes a satisfying thud as it ricochets back off the sightscreen.

Cooper, Taylor and Smith finish off the decent start and we end on 130 - 5 after our first batch of twenty.

It would be remiss of me not to record Paul's opening four: an immaculate back foot drive through cover, timed to perfection.  On the whole, 4's were hard to come by, due in large part to the distant boundary rope on all sides and the damp outfield.  So, 130 today might have been worth 150 on another day and we were pretty pleased with the situation as we settled down to tea in the comfort of the Broomleys' pavilion.

Before setting out for our second bowling stint, Bradley regaled us with tales of his exploits at the City ground, where he has recently secured an executive position on the match day pie stall.  One is advised to decline young Mr Taylor's offer of service if one is a hungry away fan from the West Midlands region, queuing for a vegetarian platter.  I must say, a pie salesman sounds like a thoroughly proper job for a Dorchester player.

Broomleys versus Dorchester round two and we get off to another good start as "Snapper" Gaunt takes a wicket first ball, caught and bowled.  And things continue to go well, although Broomleys are batting better this time around.  Smudger finishes with faintly ludicrous figures for a Twenty20 innings of 2 overs, 1 for 3, the other wickets are shared between Spenno, Blake and Brown (snr) and Broomleys end on 129 for 7, which included one huge six over square leg off Blakey's loopy off spin.  Needless to say, the next ball came down a little quicker.

So, it's all set up for a Dorchester victory: 104 needed off twenty overs, at a required rate of 104 divided by 20. 

Jamie and Crossy get things underway and there's problems straight away as Crossy goes down with what appears to be a nasty dose of leg cramps. It's revealed later that he has, in fact, "done his back", albeit on the opposite side to where he usually does his back.  He goes in the fourth over but worse follows in the 8th, when Jamie and Jez are out to consecutive balls.  Thirty three on the board and the top three are back in the hutch.

Blakey and Ady do restore some stability though and move the score along to 68 in the fifteenth over before Coops is stumped.  Things are now delicately poised: we have 6 wickets left but only 25 balls... and 36 runs are still needed.  Dean would need to make up for the failings of those batters above him and see out the innings. But then... disaster!  He's out two overs later and things aren't looking good. 

26 needed off 18 balls, five wickets down and Brown Pup and Spenno are at the crease.

The exact details of our demise from this point aren't entirely clear to me, as I was in the changing rooms at the time, changing Harry's nappy.  Periodically, a returning batter would announce his arrival with the customary array of expletives, another Christian would be sent out to face the lions and the sense of our impending fate grew ever stronger.

Meanwhile, Harry had stood up on the changing bench and merrily wee'd into my cricket bag.  Ady, changing in the adjacent position to me, had only just arrived for a shower: this wasn't what he was expecting.

For the record, Terry's Black Book of Shame records that there were 3 run outs in the last 5 wickets to fall and that we scraped our way to 93 all out, with two balls of the innings remaining.  A defeat by 10-runs.  With only 1 of the top 5 scoring over twenty in the second innings, it's fairly clear why we didn't make it.  But, to be fair, Broomleys definitely upped their game second time around and their bowling attack is a notch or two above ours.

Two fairly low scoring matches in two weeks and we've had success when we looked odds on to lose and failure when we really should have won.  All in all, typical fare in the life of a club cricketer.