2006 Season - Risley - 2006/09/10
Jez recalls:
A new fixture for this season and the Dorchester Nomads arrived at Risley's ground in good time, in high spirits and in expectation of another resounding victory.
All bar the Skip that is, and a family of Brown Dogs, who had turned up at Risley's other ground - the one that belongs to Breaston - and were wondering why the rest of us were so late.
Paul happily dumped his gear in the visitors' changing room and introduced himself to the Breaston skipper, who was very confused by the fact that the Hilton team - their opposition that afternoon - appeared to have arrived wearing Dorchester shirts. Time for a sharp exit by our boys and they still made it to our match well ahead of Benno, who sauntered casually around the boundary in the fourth or fifth over of Risley's innings.
Not a good start to the day and it set the tone for what was to follow.
A depleted Dorchester team of only 10 players, including Jordan Finney making his second appearance for the club, had accepted the inevitable prospect of two and a half hours of leather chasing as we had lost the toss and their 18-year old captain - apparently the third oldest player in his side - had eagerly announced that they would be batting.
Let's put this into some context: hot weather, the best batting track we've seen for weeks, a fast outfield and only nine regular fielders plus one youngun'. Oh dear!
Their openers set about our attack with great alacrity and when the first wicket finally fell in the 30th over, they had 170 on the board.
Perhaps we were unlucky once or twice: in one of Brown Dog Minor's early overs, our boys went up confidently for a legside catch which was well held by the Silver Gauntlet. A confident appeal to say the least and their batter appeared to be making his way towards the pavilion... until their umpire gave it not out.
Benno announced, in typical Benno style and in the general direction of the batsman, that it's always nice to get a second chance in life and their ump took great umbridge at this. A Darrel Hare / Inzamam Ul Haq fall out looked imminent but sense did prevail in the end.
Not long after, the same batter skied one off a rare Gaunty no ball and Rich took a straight forward catch at mid off.
Their boys were now regularly chipping and lofting the ball to all parts, which made for a steady accumulation of both runs and gasps of frustration from nearby fielders.
However, it would be wrong to paint a picture of complete misfortune as our bowling and fielding did waiver between "ordinary" and "abysmal" at times, which hardly helped the cause.
One notable exception came from the Vicar, whose third over was the finest display of Vicaring you're ever likely to see. A cunning assortment of dibblers and dobblers had their left-handed opener fresh-airing like a lady golfer on the first tee. It's a shame that this is Mick's last season and the Dorchester parish will need a new incumbant next year. My money's on Brown Dog Major, who may not have reached fully ordained status yet but he's definitely a curate with potential. I guess the only opposition to such a promotion may come from those who feel that one player can have too many nicknames.
To cut a painful story short, Benno ended up with the only wickets to fall (three in total), the pink Headband of Shame was shared amongst a few us and Risley settled for 232 - 3 after their 40. Their opener finished on 106, which included some very pleasant off drives as well as a sprinkling of fortune along the way.
What followed after tea is difficult to articulate with any degree of sympathy or enthusiasm. We went from 54 for 1 in the 11th over to 89 all out in the 22nd. James Lees continued his recent good form and looked fluent for his 43; Jez was doing OK until he suffered a Briarsesque comedy stumping and the series of single figure scores from number 4 down to 10 tells its own tale.
The one positive moment came when Jordan scored his first Dorchesterruns - a well-played late cut behind square - and this was celebrated in suitable style by those on the boundary.
One of their boys ended up with bowling figures of 2-overs, 3-wickets for 1 paltry run. Gordon Bennett! Or words to that effect.
So, a pretty piss-poor effort that, as Richie Benaud might say, and, once showers had been taken and bags packed, the sight of Colin berating some of his fantasy failures very much summed up the day!
Still, let's look forward. We go to Eastwood next week with the batting and bowling awards nicely poised and, although this was a performance to forget, we have discovered a venue with an excellent batting track, a decent tea and a nice bunch of lads... so hopefully there'll be a chance for redemption next season.