2007 Season
Belper vs DCC
Back to Belper it was, the dressing room doors still bearing the all too obvious scars of a bad lbw decision against Mr Bamber from a few years ago� Once inside, the aroma in the dressing room was a little rank to say the least. Andy said that it smelt like his kit did when he got it out in March, after a winter in the shed. Luckily, Benno got rid of that with a few choice chilli related emissions. Nice.
Typical stinking hot day it was, muggy and overcast, enough to bring you out in beads of sweat just thinking about running, so Paul helped us all along and lost the toss. Off we trudged down the hill out to the middle, to the sight of little and large opening the batting, little being a young (12?) County player apparently (incredibly, the appearance of said youngster didn�t result in the instant appearance of Alec, swinging his shoulders and announcing �I feel good today, skip��), and large, a first team bat looking for some form. Sadly, he didn�t get it as the left arm opening pair, Brown the younger and Smith J bowled pretty well and large nicked a Smudger delivery that was �right in the corridor� to a grateful (well, grateful I didn�t have to move) Rob at first slip. Yes, first slip. A slip catch. That�s the one for the season out of the way then.
A succession of young Belper batsmen then proceeded to come to the crease, and infuriatingly started to exploit the generation gap by scampering some seriously hairy singles. We were further undone by what can only be described as some positively comedy attempts at run outs. One or two throws barely made it to the same post code as the stumps, let alone anywhere where Adey had the faintest glimmer of a hope of a chance at getting anyone out. Throughout all this, especially when AG bowled his overs (quite tidily after struggling to pitch the ball for the first couple, ending with 2-21), a triumvirate of gullies was employed. Rarely has any cricket match ever seen so sagely a gaggle of gullies. Talk about 3 wise monkeys. Benno, Paul and Ian patrolled the 5 square feet of gully magnificently between them, and not many a shot pierced them. Pithy comments abounded. Throughout all of this, overs and bowlers came and went. Smudger bowled exceptionally tidily and picked up super figures of 7-2-15-2, Benno was his usual mix of guile and north eastern wit, but only coaxed one out, and Rob trundled in and didn�t look menacing at all, apart from the leg side byes he chucked down because he was �trying to keep the left hander cramped up�. Right-o. Poor Adey, who repaid Rob by missing a stumping (when to be fair, the ball climbed up his arm when he was trying to gather it) said �Well, you were bowling so much rubbish you didn�t deserve it anyway.� Fair point.
It must be said here that a feature of the DCC fielding was the many cries, when a speeding ball went just past a fielder, of �Ooh, (expletive)��, as they commenced a long and hard chase after it. Something to do with age I suppose.
Brown the elder managed to play a bit of football when fielding while all this was going off, and limped off after 25 overs in some considerable discomfort. Frantic attempts to get Bradley some kit were helped by Benno suggesting he had some spare trousers but, and I quote, �They might not fit him.�
Thanks to a lusty half century at the end of the innings and some knowingly generous bowling changes by Paul, Belper got to 162 at the close of 40, and off we went for tea and a lie down in a bath of ice.
What a tea it was too, pizza, onion bajis, doughnuts, chocolate flapjack, a veritable smorgasbord of mega-calories. Not a cereal bar in sight. I�m surprised I�m not still there.
Once fed and watered, and with the sun finally breaking through, Jez and Jamie led us out, and both looked decent until Jez played all around a straight one and heard the death rattle. Crossy played some lovely spanks, including a huge six onto the hill, and Jamie 9-ironed a few but both capitulated when set, Ian for 21 and Jamie for 31. A good spell of 3-14 by Hunt took care of Paul, Jamie and Ian, Adey gifted a C&B when looking set, Smudger top edged a pull early doors, and all of a sudden it wasn�t looking too rosy. Rob then fell to the only half decent ball in a mixed bag of a first over from a new bowler for 21, Andy clubbed a glorious boundary (his first for a while, I believe) and was then bowled, Brown the younger slapped with serious intent before falling, and at 126-9, we were in deep poop. Cometh the hour, cometh the man. As Kev Brown strolled out with Rob as his runner (have we ever had a runner before?), the DCC faithful realised that, surely, comedy moments were just seconds away. Indeed, the first scoring shot by Kev saw Benno haring down the pitch towards him, Rob haring away from the square leg umpire and Kev trying to run towards Benno. Only shouts of �No, no, not you!� from Benno to Kev prevented a champagne moment. Rob enquired if he, as runner, could call. Benno replied �You can, but I�m not listening�. The stage was surely set.
Steadily, 126 became 135, Kev clubbing balls all around the ground, and Benno being as cultured as ever. One wag on the hill who shall be nameless, but let�s call him Ian Charles Ross, observed �Crikey, the QE2 turns like Rob�. Then it was 145. Brown Senior was batting like a hero, blocking, leaving and then smiting. Incredible stuff, the tension was tangible. Then, almost unbelievably, 160. It was unbelievable however, as it then became 158 again as we found out Terry had put a 4 down when only a 2 was run. The Belper faithful were getting rowdy by this stage as high tension descended. First ball of the final over, 5 to win, Kev on strike. Then, tragedy, a pinball ball that went bat to pad to the top of off stick cued up despair for the 3 DCC batters, and celebrations on the hill. Cruelly outdone, all 3 DCC batsmen trudged (or limped) off in the evening sunshine. A loss by 4 runs was scant reward for a hard, and hot, days play. �Well ran, Rob� someone said, in a sentence about as unlikely as Paris Hilton ticking the �No Publicity� box.
Some terrible sights were had after the game as various players sported shorts, prompting Paul to comment that the last time he saw a pair of legs like Rob�s was in �Shaun of the Dead�.
You can�t follow that.
Belper 162- 6 (Henson 53*, Whiteley 36, Smith 2-15, Gaunt 2-21)
DCC 158 all out (Lees 31, Cross and Hicklin 21, Hunt 3-14)