2005 Season - Woodborough - 2005/09/04
Rob recalls (at considerable length)
Woodborough is a picturesque and peaceful village to the North east of the Nottingham conurbation. At least it was until 1.15pm last Sunday when the massed ranks of the DCC faithful turned up (minus Paul, late for reasons unspecified) for the penultimate game of the season. At least we were all at the same ground this week. Debut day today for Jordan Finney, Jamie�s stepson, who fielded tremendously well, and looked a much better fielder than Rob on more than one occasion. Not tricky, I hear you all cry.
The game was livened by a constant air show form the airfield next door, with all the Surrey millionaires having a look round the north of England for the day. Bless.
And a stinking hot day it was, just the time for Crossy to call wrong and, with an air of the inevitable on such a day, we got our bowling boots on. The dressing room was livened up with the conundrum of who should keep wicket, and Smudge eventually won (or lost, depending how you look at it) and went out with what looked like Bradley�s shin pads and two oven gloves on. Hilarity did ensue at various stages. The openers must have been quaking. Being at least the 4th player to keep wicket this season, it left Benno to observe that we’ve had more keepers than Lady Chatterley. Quite.
In a unlikely and improbable development, Crossy (standing in for the late Mr Taylor) opened up with the gingerest opening pair ever, AG down the hill and Rob up the hill (you�ve never seen so much factor 639 sun block on two opening bowlers outside of Death Valley CC vs Kalahari Desert CC) but the two lacked penetration, and were undoubtedly slowed down by Piz Buin�s finest. Didn�t make the ball swing either no matter how much I, erm, we put on it. Paul�s first act as skip when he got to the middle was to take Rob off, in what he described as "One of my easier decisions". Thanks Paul. In my slight defence, 5-2-13-0 was as good as it got.
WCC�s openers were chalk and cheese, chalk reaching 50 out of 62 (5 of the other 12 being extras) with some fierce and agricultural treatment of anything overpitched, cheese amassing an uncultured 7 before Benno stitched him up like an edam, stumps all over the place, and Smudge just avoiding a bail to the temple. Easy stuff this �keeping lark.
The rest of the WCC innings was steady accumulation mixed with some serious mooing down the order, as we made frequent trips to the ditch and the field beyond. As usual, our bowling was many and varied, Paul chucking up the best pies this side of Melton Mowbray and Jamie hurling down several varieties of filth in a vain search for his first wicket of the year, but the spell of the day was indeed Mr Bennett, with 3-fer a few, with several balls that turned a foot at least (he told me to say, it was hard to tell from slip) and much respect being shown. WCC ended up on 202 from the 40.
Tea was taken with much delight, mainly for the chance to get body temperatures down do less potentially fatal levels, with coconut macaroons and battenburg being the particular highlight for me, and the corned beef being as popular as a rattlesnake in a lucky dip.
All sorts of permutations this time for the batting and bowling prizes, with the bowling seemingly going Benno�s way, but the batting (a seemingly forgone conclusion when I last wrote a report, with Crossy�s average being too big for the digits on my calculator) being threatened from the relative neighbourhood, or at least order of magnitude by Nick, in a "battle of the bullies" style show down. Hillman Imp vs Fiat Coupe, Robbie Savage vs Pele, Joe Pasquale vs Bruce Forsyth etc etc. Let�s see how much we can upset him this week.
WCC opened up with a Ryan Sidebottom lookalike, who sadly bowled more like Frank Sidebottom, and for whom the best description would involve a sentence with the words "run up", "pace" and "disproportionate" somewhere in there. We concluded that his run up must be part of his keep fit regime, for there are no gyms in Woodborough�.
Run machine Smith was tragically run out early doors by a direct hit, which brought Rob to the crease for what can only be described as an unimpressive duck. Rarely do we see an impressive duck (Smudger�s 9 over one at Morton in 2000 springs to mind) but this was not. Nick was looking very cultured and very untroubled at the other end, and Jamie then arrived. Jamie�s best early doors shot was a huge moo that went so far up in the air it was caught on radar, but dropped 6 inches inside the boundary and came to rest 4 inches inside the boundary, in the best 9 iron shot this year. Good hit for 1, Kiwi. As Jamie amassed a few, Nick looked like he was seeing it like a beachball with binoculars on, and reached 50 easily. The batting prize could be his if he scored a ton+, and Crossy got not many, and Lord Lucan rode Shergar to the Elvis/Hendrix gig on Monday. Jamie and Nick put on 100+ before Jamie was LBW for 44 (later confirmed as 50 in the pub, courtesy of a rare Berresford scoring error). It must be said at this stage that Nick was dropped, definitely, 100%, certainly, in the presence of 30 witnesses, on 92, and the words "nob", "ender" and "couldn�t catch a cold" do spring to mind.
As Nick slogged towards a ton, the boundary banter was livened up by Monty having a bit of trouble with the locals but nothing he couldn�t sort, and a strategically wielded umbrella resulted in exit one mongrel, stage left. Mess with the Cross family and regret it.
Nick finally reached a ton in a knock which would best be described as quality, and bullish, if not chanceless, and we have officially upgraded him to an Austin Ambassador, possibly a Y reg. (What car are you, and why? Nominate a team mate�s likeness. Answers to the email address.) Nick did try to retire at 100, good job he didn�t really, as it would have been 94 and he would have copped for some real stick (see above), and he batted on.
Nick later picked the one guy who could catch on 109 (later 103), and the chase was on. Crossy got a quick 6 before trying to cut a close one and being castled. Gav was in and out fairly quickly, meanwhile Andy Gaunt was in the shower, in possibly the worst decision since Jamie�s earlier LBW. Rarely do we see a player have a shower before they bat before the game is finished, but it always brings wickets�..
Benno nearly put his back out first ball, and the next disappeared to the long boundary one bounce, and he continued to slog magnificently for a quick 20 wearing the last pair of sweatband-less batting gloves in the country (autographed by Jack Hobbs), courtesy of Jamie�s holiday. Most people bring back rock for their chums, but not Jamie.
As the sun went down and the planes went back to Surrey, Benno and Paul were at the crease and AG�s pads had seen their first daylight since 1994. Benno succumbed to a straight one the ball after a huuuuuge 6, and AG came to the crease at the non striker�s end, with the scores tied. Paul dot balled 5, and looked for all the world like a piece of DCC folklore was about to be created, but he put Andy out of his misery on the 6th ball and scored the single required for victory, leaving AG on a glorious 0 not out (no balls faced), and needing another shower.
One of these days we�ll win the toss on a scorcher.