2005 Season - Lord King’s XI - 2005/07/03
Jez writes:
When the skipper trudges into the dressing room and announces pessimistically that "We’ll do well to get 150 on that thing!", all hopes of a high-quality, high-scoring batting performance can be flushed down the portaloo.
Such was our predicament as we commenced battle with Lord King’s XI. And sure enough, despite some generously wayward bowling from the opposition, our top order didn’t muster many runs between them. The wicket, which I mistook for the old rug my Gran has in front of her fireplace when I first saw it, didn’t help. This aside, some shrewd shot-selection and lusty hitting from the middle order would be required if we were to set any sort of target.
Welcome to the party Messrs Smith and Spencer!
Dave made good use of the swipe over mid-off and the late dab behind square and Smudger was a delight to watch. For most of us, the high tennis ball bounce off the wicket proved our undoing but for Smudger, who is somewhat better equipped to deal with unexpected height than most, the ball simply sat up asking to be spanked. And spank it he certainly did! An array of cut and pull shots cracked square of the wicket saw him romp to 45 in fine style and, had in not been for the untimely intervention of a fielder on the deep square leg boundary, who held on to a good catch, Smudger would have gone on to a glorious 50.
91 for the 5th wicket was a top effort: Dave made 26, Jamie, coming in at number 7, added 28 and we finished on 180 all out.
The lads took a modest tea - a little too cake-heavy for my liking - and contemplated the issues of the day: what’s happened to Crossy’s pre-parenthood batting form? Is it medically possible to reinsert a premature baby, at least until the end of the season? Are drop-in pitches from Allied Carpets a good thing or a bad thing?
Our opening pair bowled well. Benefiting from first use of a ball Benno collected from the french polishers earlier in the week, Alec and Andy regularly beat the bat with good outswingers. Alec removed their opener with a particularly decent delivery, but under most unfair conditions I thought.
"Next time, bowler," remarked the departing batsman, "do please wait until I am ready. That’s twice you’ve bowled before I was ready!"
Quite right too, batsman. There’s far too much of this sneaky behaviour in the modern game. Bowlers are always lurking surreptitiously behind the umpire or trying to tip-toe to the wicket and surprise the batsman before he’s ready. No lesser bowler than Michael Holding, would you believe, had a reputation for being almost silent in his approach to the stumps - it’s outrageous! Clearly, he would not have taken so many test wickets if, before each delivery, he’d announced loudly from the end of his run up, "You ready, maan?".
Despite this poor sportsmanship on our behalf, Andy turned in his best spell for some time and deserved his 4 - 24 off 7-overs. He would be the first to admit that his bowling up until this match has been pretty ordinary: I can only assume that the season started before he was ready. Well bowled, mate!
At 58 - 6 in the 14th over, we had the game in the bag and it was time for the medium-pacers and spinners to knock over the tail. At 130 - 7, the game had all but escaped from the bag and thoughts of an unlikely defeat loomed large.
Despite weakening our grip on the match, there was still ample opportunity for the lads to showcase some unconventional fielding tactics.
Rob, at gully, successfully evaded a ball that was heading straight for his hands and some lightning-quick thinking from Spenno, fielding at short square leg, saw him stop dead a well-struck sweep shot with the sole of his boot. At least, if he hadn’t got his angles so wrong, I suspect this is what would have happened. Instead, the ball flicked off his boot and shot up his right trouser leg like a ferret. Fortunately for Dave, the ball was travelling with sufficient velocity to make it up one leg, down the other and come to rest at his feet. Unfortunately for Dave, the ball was travelling with sufficient velocity to cause him some measure of testicular discomfort en route.
Our death bowling tactics - shrewd use of the slow, floated length ball rather than the searing leg-stump yorker - finally proved too much for their tail-enders and we brought their innings to a close at 159, with Dave and Rob picking up the last 3 wickets.
All in all, a decent and entertaining effort by our lads and we repaired to the nearest hostelry in time for a quiet pint of Beaver.