Cow Corner
10th August 2006: Exciting news from the Udder business empire...
Added by M Ployee
My Lord
I write to update you on progress with our latest broadcasting gadget, which we successfully trialled during Dorchester's match against Broomleys.
As you are aware, us chaps at Udder Broadcasting Corp. - one of the many sub-divisions of Udder Enterprises Plc, your huge global empire - are always striving to add new wizzy techno gadgets to our broadcast output.
In the mid-80's, we pioneered the revolutionary "ProtectorCam", which was used extensively in international one day matches involving Australia. Such was its success that leading cricket commentator Tony Greig dubbed it a "marvellous broadcorsting tool".
Some years later, we added "StumpCam" to our product range and this has proved to be our greatest success to date. Every English county side now uses "StampCam" on a regular basis (other than Essex, where the high tech equipment is often stolen and sold at car boot sales by young gentlemen who drive Vauxhall Nova motor vehicles).
I am now delighted to announce that our new product, "UmpCam"™, is ready for general launch.
This state-of-the-art camera is worn by the umpire in the trouser area and protrudes discreetly through the fly. When the umpire officiates from the non-striker's end, the resulting images from "UmpCam" provide a unique bird's eye view on the game*.
I enclose two images from Sundays fixture against Broomleys which highlight the detailed pictures our product can offer.
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As well as providing the viewer with new, innovative coverage, initial feedback from "guinea pig" umpires indicates that "UmpCam" is also an invaluable aid when adjudicating on front foot no-balls as well as LBW decisions. More importantly, it gives them something to play with when standing at square leg, when they usually have nothing better to do.
I have prepared a strategic marketing plan for "UmpCam" and will have it on your desk for first thing Monday.
Yours obsequiously
M Ployee
* Bird not included with product but may be purchased separately. Product compatible with both zip and button flys. Udder Broadcasting Corp. is regulated by OFCOM. The value of your investment may go up as well as down.