2006 Season - Leicester Teachers - 2006/07/02

Benno recalls:

Leicester Teachers C.C. � a new fixture plucked by Terry from the Bureau and it was �another typical stinking xxxxxxxhot day� with the noise and the fumes from the nearby M1 to contend with. Skipper Paul returns to the changing room with lots of bad news � 1. Lost toss 2.Their skipper not open to negotiation 3. Time/Odd number of overs game 4. Again bloody hot.

So we open the bowling with the Vicar from the Driving Range End - 4/4/4(Sven�s favoured line-up) but significantly the first ball sails past the skipper at gully at catching height from their superstar captain (rumbles of �needs glasses� are heard from the outfield � but more later). Andy from the Top End � the carnage continues. The Vicar resorts to his now familiar round the wicket attack and has a magnificent l.b.w. shout turned down (note to Vicar � please read l.b.w. laws before next game). Still more carnage. Skipper turns to Smudge to halt the bleeding � if this scheme doesn�t work we could be looking at 300+. But the Thin White Duke obliges and castles the young opener, only for their skipper to continue to punish all other bowlers and raising a very brisk 50.

At this point I would like to offer a few musings on the state of the pitch and outfield. I think David Lloyd�s pitch report would have contained the phrases �tennis ball bounce� and �the odd one keeping low�. The outfield looked like it had been used by Multiplex as a practice for the Wembley Stadium disaster. Manhole covers and drainage ditches abounded and a few nasty holes just to finish it off. (I had hoped someone would take a fall to rival my sack of spuds effort at Sherwood Colliery a few years ago but there were only a few �nearly took my head/ankle off� moments). Their skipper however was unlucky to be denied a 4 when a full-blooded cut hit the manhole square on and shot back towards him � well fielded.

Young Brown had replaced Andy and was to produce the second most important moment of the match. A rank bad ball down leg was swatted away by their skip with disdain only to find it was nestling a nanosecond later in Paul�s hands at a craftily placed leg gully (who needs glasses now) � a fine 67 and the Dorchester lads heave a huge sigh of relief. Needless to say their skipper was distraught and this negativity was to manifest itself later in the day.

From that early high their innings fizzled as a succession of Biology masters and Maths teachers came and went with great rapidity. Bowling figures improved � Benno 1-18, Jamie 2-6, Kevin 0-19 from 5 overs and of course Smudge finished a fine afternoon in the field with 3-19 and a run-out. But a special mention should be reserved for Paul who mopped up the tail with a double wicket maiden bowled so slowly it completely bamboozled them. A good effort � 200 all out in �42� overs.

Tea was acceptable with a good variety of comestibles and we sat back to watch our great batting attack knock them of in rapid time � we had after all 38 overs to do it in. A good start but Jez could not keep up his remarkable scoring run and fell early to a leg side catch from the keeper. Crossy and Paul then constructed a fine 50 partnership without too many alarms before Paul was caught. Richard arrived and departed fairly quickly leaving the old Bulwell stalwarts Jamie & Crossy at the crease. Again the scoring moved on swiftly with some lusty hitting but this prompted their skipper to bring himself on to bowl.

And so the game headed towards a thrilling and controversial finish. Crossy fell 1 short of 50 and Jamie annoyingly looked good only to get out on 29. However between these two events �Golden Balls� Smith had reached the crease. He shepherded Spenno and Benno through small partnerships but both fell to the demon skipper and Andy Gaunt was roused from his afternoon nap to get a golden duck. Kev Brown headed to the wicket at No. 10 to join Smudge � 60 odd off 10 overs required � a stiff ask but the skipper and his bowling partner were near the end of their mandatory spells; or so we thought.

Paul had pulled on the umpire�s coat by this time, as he was sick of watching Bradley and Max slogging the ball to all parts near the pavilion. As their skipper steamed in for his 9^th over � to cries of foul from the boundary � Paul initially adopted a U.N./Henry Kissinger approach in his negotiations; but this was to no avail and the gloves were now off and open warfare declared. But the warrior Smith was smiting the foe to all parts and Kev was showing signs that he had rediscovered the batting prowess of his youth (or was it because his missus was watching).

To the cheers of the crowd (all now fully awake) the pair edged closer and closer helped by some generous overthrows and Flintoff like batting. The final over � 10 needed � their skipper still not prepared to give anyone else a game took the responsibility to bowl on. Smith and Brown batting like Viv and Beefy/running like Jonty and Linford. Last ball of the game � 4 required � Smith majestically biffs a length ball for 6 towards his adoring fans and it�s all over for Headmaster Mohammed (must check he�s teaching the same form of sportsmanship to his pupils). Dorchester win an epic and adjourn to the pub where their skipper has suddenly become sweetness and light � a bad case of white line fever obviously. (Never seems to happen to Dorchester players) A memorable day was had by all.

Ian & Paul get the innings off to a good start